Every Tuesday night I have volleyball games that keep me out late and keep me up even later. I don't know about you, but often when I workout at night, I have a hard time settling down for bed. Last night I was able to settle down quickly (thankfully!), and this morning I got out of bed to go to the gym. I kept my promise to myself to get up with my alarm and go workout.
My workout was so-so. The most exciting part of my morning was talking to the wife of the high school softball coach. I'm not sure how the conversation even began, but it ended in her telling me that her husband was still looking for a coach for the sophomore team, and that I should talk to him about it soon. She says I am just what he is looking for, and that more than likely something could be arranged.
Last fall, my friends mentioned that the high school softball coach was looking for an assistant coach, and encouraged me to go and talk to him. I told them that I had reservations about coaching at this junction in my life because of the time requirements, and I didn't know what I would do with my daughter. I explained that we don't have any family in town to watch her while I would be gone each day for the two hour practices (which is how a lot of the younger coaches are able to do it).
After discussing it with my husband, I get the impression that he doesn't think it will work. He asked me what I would do with Jader. I told him I would find someone to watch her each day. Whether it was the same person, or if we rotated days with other people, I didn't know, but I felt like it could be worked out. He says he doesn't think it would be fair for me to leave our daughter with someone else every day for two hours (from March till May). My husband doesn't believe in day care, or mother's working outside of the home, and so in a way he is telling me that I need to focus on our daughter and what her needs are.
I understand where he is coming from, because he is very protective of his daughter. I admire him for that. He actually hasn't said 'no'. He wants me to talk to the coach and see what can be arranged. He also said that if I seriously want to pursue this, then I need to find some people we know, and trust, that would be willing to watch our little one during the hours I am gone.
I was pretty frustrated this morning when I came home to tell him about it. I felt like my excitement was squashed in an instance. I understand my role is Mother, however, I am fairly new to this role and feel like my own identity is getting lost in that role. I understand that my daughter is at an age where she requires a lot of attention and supervision, and that is why we don't trust her in just anyone's care. With that said, will my role as mother get easier, and will my own identity be able to be nurtured when my children are older? By the time they are older, will I be used to my role as a mom that I won't have a desire to follow my own dreams and care and nurture myself?
I have always had a desire to coach a high school girl's team. Whether it be softball or volleyball. I love working with teenagers, and feel like this opportunity would fill a void in my life.
Sorry for the rant, but I needed it. I am just trying to find a fulfilling balance in my life.
6 comments:
I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a fellow working mom tell me once that she felt like she had a tiny glimpse of what our Heavenly Father must have felt like sending his children down to earth when she left her own children in the care of someone else. It is definitely a difficult balance. Congrats on the gym - it is always good to take care of yourself so that you can take better care of others.
It is soooo hard to make those decisions in your life. I have never been one that thinks you should leave your children in day care, babysitters etc. I think the mother should be in the home!!!!! But I believe no one should ever have to give up there dreams if there is a way to work it out. Not only that but you do lose yourself in the role as wife and mother, and if you don't do something about it, you'll wake up one day and realize that you don't know who you are anymore and you really have lost your self in the roles you take on. It's definately not fun to try and figure out how to find yourself again, so I say if it's something you want really bad.... DO IT. If it's right you'll find someone that can watch your beautiful daughter. They may be blessed by the presence of her, and she may be blessed by them. It's a hard decision to make, but think, in just a couple of years your little girl will be leaving you at home to go pursue her dreams.
Life is to short, I say... LIVE IT!
If you guys feel good about it and it's what you really want.
Good luck, let me know what you decide!
I'm starting to hit a lot of those same questions too. I used to do a lot of community theatre, but since I've been married I haven't been able too, and it is only going to get harder with a baby. My husband sounds a lot like yours when it comes to extra-caricular stuff. It can be frustrating at times. Keep those questions in your prayers and you'll find the right balance between mother and self.
Here's an idea I've done - a Mommy's Helper. See if there's a girl that's a little younger than 12 (when we generally start using them as a babysitter). Take her and the kids with you to the practices. She can take care of the girls while you do your practice. But you are still there. And she gets babysitter training.
Eden had a good idea. I have an eight year old who would love to do something like this a few days a week. You could give her a dollar a day and she would be happy!
I tried coaching one year when my first two were little. It was fun but I will tell you it was more of a hassle than it was worth and I didn't do it again. I might try it again now that they're older but I have lost interest in that sort of thing and time at home is too valuable to me now!
It is important to get out and keep busy when you have little kids or you will go crazy. I would find other ways to do it that also allow you to take your daughter with you. Going to the gym really saved me because I could take my kids to the nursery there and I got a break from them and a workout for two hours every day!
Also just getting together with other Moms for playdates is a great way to get out.
I do wish I had spent more of that time when they were little studying and learning (not in school, just on my own). You might be able to join book discussions that meet in the evening when your husband is home with your daughter or else get a group of moms together and have a book discussion as a play date in the morning at a park. Why didn't I think of that ten years ago???
Good luck with your decision!
That is a tough one! I think it is hard to keep your own identity when you have kids, and it seems to get harder the more you have. I also agree that mothers should stay in the home when possible....however, it would only be a couple of hours a day and short term. I do think kids can sometimes benefit from being away from their parents for a little while, another caregiver would teach Jader that she can depend on more than just Mommy and Daddy in life. And, if it would mean that Mommy comes back refreshed and happier with herself, she would benefit that way too. I say do it! If you can find someone you trust to take care of Jader, and everything else works out. It will get harder to do things like this when you have more kids, and I was just reading (I think it was on the Simplify 101 site you referred me to), about finding balance in your life over seasons rather than each day. This might be one of the last seasons you can find a bit of "you" time for a while.
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