Mother of the Year Award (Not!)

We had a great time celebrating Grant's birthday, but that day was also really stressful for me. I wasn't feeling very good (more on that later), and I had taken the boys in to the doctor earlier in the day for their well-child checks. The trip stressed me out, and we were there for almost two hours.

I didn't think Grant needed any immunizations, so I wasn't worried about giving him a shot on his birthday.
Turns out I was wrong. He just needed one last shot, and I felt really guilty giving it to him on his special day. He was distracted, lying on his back watching a video on my ipod when the nurse just poked him. He cried for a little while, and looked at me like I had betrayed him. I don't think it would have worked to talk him through it, he is a two year old, but I just felt bad. A couple of times later in the day, he would look at me, say "Ow", then point to his leg. Poor boy. He did pick out three toys from the doctor's office though.

Grayson had a lot more pain. Turns out he has thrush (which I had asked about during another appointment, and she told me it was just a milk tongue...doctor's are not always right!). He also had a penile adhesion that she had to pull back. I swear I was being really diligent in pulling his circ site back, but apparently I don't know what I'm doing. Just give me the 'Mother of the Year' award! Austin said he even thought he was doing it far enough, but he wasn't. I feel SO bad that I caused my son more pain. It breaks my heart. And then, he had to get three shots. Grayson was not happy Tuesday night around 9:30, and he cried for a half an hour to let me know. It was torture for me, and I deserved it.

Fast forward a couple of days and his thrush tongue is looking better due to the Nystatin (and I am using some Mupirocin ointment and Gentian Violet on me, because even though I don't have the thrush symptoms-like I did when he was born-the thrush can be passed back and forth between mom and child and it's important to treat both at once), and he doesn't writhe in pain every time I try to clean his diaper. Thankfully he hasn't shown any side effects from his immunizations (which are always really stressful for me to decide to give to my children).

My boys got through the day...now on to me. I had the doctor take a look at me because I have been feeling 'off' lately. I have had a couple of episodes where I get really light headed, and my hands start to tingle, and my stomach starts cramping (increasing bm), I feel nauseous and lack of appetite,  and I have to stop what I'm doing and either lie down, or breath really deeply because I feel like I might pass out. I've had two major episodes, and quite a few minor ones. The major ones will last for around 24 hours, are the most debilitating, and kind of come in waves for the time frame. The minor ones don't knock me down as much, but I am very aware of it.

I am waiting to hear results on blood work that was done to check for postpartum hyperthyroidism. But, I have thought it could be anything from dehydration, anxiety, adrenaline, vitamin deficiency, postpartum depression, and hormonal imbalances. I'm 100% it is related to postpartum something or other, and not a pre-existing condition like a hole in my heart (which the doc might check for). It started about six weeks after Grayson was born, and it has been a month since I felt the first symptom.

I don't know what is going on, but I really hope to figure it out so I can start to feel better. It is very difficult to take care of three young children when I feel like I am barely taking care of myself. I have thought more than once that I might lose consciousness, and then what would the kids do? It would be a mess.

If anyone reading this has ever felt like this, let me know. I've talked to a few friends that have given me suggestions, and it really helps.

(Edited to Add: My thyroid tests came back normal. I'm going to see if the doctor will run some more blood tests for me to check anemia, and any vitamin deficiencies. Maybe it's all just stress related. I need to go to the spa, or something!)